Earlier this month I put my adult son on a plane to Iceland, his first stop on his journey to studying abroad for a semester. This is not just your typical study abroad program, but studying neuroscience, while completing a Science Research Practicum, all the while living in Denmark (working with the latest brain imaging technologies). It sounds like I'm bragging, but truly, I'm just astounded.
As I drove away from the airport curbside all I could think was...hmm, pretty sure I used to threaten that I'd ship him to Iceland, for good, if he didn't get his act together...
This is the same toddler we once called Tazman because at 18 months, he ran circles around himself like the Tazmanian Devil…The toddler who thought he was a puppy and carried socks (often dirty) around in his mouth…The kid who ‘red-shirted’ Kindergarten because he needed an extra year of playing in the sandbox…The kid who begged and pleaded to bring a big rock he had found to school to share, and when I begrudgingly obliged (“It needs to go right in your cubby and only come out at circle time!”) and after he agreed to my set boundaries, still promptly threw the rock in the middle of the play area the moment we entered his classroom... The kid who burnt his arm from accidentally running into the barbecue...The kid who absentmindedly wrote with sharpie on his preschool teacher’s expensive new jeans...The kid who didn’t wear tie shoes until 6th grade because Velcro was easier….
He has broken 3 bones, totaled 2 cars without triggering the airbags, and suffered more than 1 concussion participating in wrestling and rugby. At the end of 1st Grade, he barely read at benchmark levels, and in 2nd Grade, he was in afterschool resource for both writing and math. I even had to have a meeting with his first PE teacher in 2nd Grade because he wanted to kick him out of class (reality check- PE was the least of my friggin worries at that point).
But wait… Did I mention he was 5 points away from a perfect SAT score? That he was such a voracious reader we sometimes had to take books away so he could concentrate on other things? That he starred in an anti bullying video in Middle School because he was so damn articulate? That he is off to study neuroscience abroad? That he has been teaching his 13 year old sister about Darwin’s Origin of the Species? And that he is currently the President of his college Rugby club?
...
As I drove away from the airport curbside all I could think was...hmm, pretty sure I used to threaten that I'd ship him to Iceland, for good, if he didn't get his act together...
This is the same toddler we once called Tazman because at 18 months, he ran circles around himself like the Tazmanian Devil…The toddler who thought he was a puppy and carried socks (often dirty) around in his mouth…The kid who ‘red-shirted’ Kindergarten because he needed an extra year of playing in the sandbox…The kid who begged and pleaded to bring a big rock he had found to school to share, and when I begrudgingly obliged (“It needs to go right in your cubby and only come out at circle time!”) and after he agreed to my set boundaries, still promptly threw the rock in the middle of the play area the moment we entered his classroom... The kid who burnt his arm from accidentally running into the barbecue...The kid who absentmindedly wrote with sharpie on his preschool teacher’s expensive new jeans...The kid who didn’t wear tie shoes until 6th grade because Velcro was easier….
He has broken 3 bones, totaled 2 cars without triggering the airbags, and suffered more than 1 concussion participating in wrestling and rugby. At the end of 1st Grade, he barely read at benchmark levels, and in 2nd Grade, he was in afterschool resource for both writing and math. I even had to have a meeting with his first PE teacher in 2nd Grade because he wanted to kick him out of class (reality check- PE was the least of my friggin worries at that point).
But wait… Did I mention he was 5 points away from a perfect SAT score? That he was such a voracious reader we sometimes had to take books away so he could concentrate on other things? That he starred in an anti bullying video in Middle School because he was so damn articulate? That he is off to study neuroscience abroad? That he has been teaching his 13 year old sister about Darwin’s Origin of the Species? And that he is currently the President of his college Rugby club?
...
There are Orchids and there are Dandelions. Dandelions are amazing children; like the flower they are named after, they are resilient, smart, and can grow -and more importantly, survive- into healthy adulthood despite negative environmental factors. Orchids are also amazing children; they are smart, beautiful, with the potential to grow, however, they are not as resilient as the dandelion and if orchids are exposed to environmental detriment, their fragility can’t survive. On the other hand, orchids born into the ‘right’ environment where they are cared and advocated for as the unique individual they are, those orchids can bloom into the creative geniuses of the world, far surpassing what would have ever been predicted from standardized testing, cursory behavioral observations, or diagnoses during their early years. Remember stories of Einstein’s early days?
Of my 5 children, I have 4 dandelions and 1 orchid. I treat[ed] them all like orchids, but when I got the one orchid all the way to young adulthood and looked back, I realized how many places along the way we could have derailed. How instead of being tagged as a troublemaker, his open classroom program in Middle School encouraged him to become a leader. How instead of letting the competitive high school environment break his spirit, he spoke out about the ‘Race to Nowhere’ so prevalent in our highly competitive educational culture.
It makes me think about, and hurt for the orchids born into families without the bandwidth for children with special needs, families and children without protective features. I remember most orchids I’ve had in my classrooms and I worry about orchids born both into the throes of resources and raised in the disadvantages of poverty.
All kids are exhausting, but orchids kick us into high gear...they need advocates, relationships, and tending to… they are “that kid” that teachers both struggle with and feel most pride in. They are the children many of us are determined not to give up on. Once a teacher told my son; “You’ll either be the leader of the free world one day or be in prison for life.” Taken out of context this might seem a horrid thing to say. In context, it reminded my son how gifted he really was, and how certain gifts can be used different ways depending on different circumstance…
Orchids need what dandelions need, but are harder to understand and provide care for. Orchids require digging deep into the depths of our thinking, for they aren’t as easy as dandelions and they will torture and test even the most adept parents and teachers throughout our journey… but, when they bloom, they bloom in a big way. Orchids bloom beyond our wildest dreams.
If you’d like to read more about this frame of thinking, I suggest this article.
It makes me think about, and hurt for the orchids born into families without the bandwidth for children with special needs, families and children without protective features. I remember most orchids I’ve had in my classrooms and I worry about orchids born both into the throes of resources and raised in the disadvantages of poverty.
All kids are exhausting, but orchids kick us into high gear...they need advocates, relationships, and tending to… they are “that kid” that teachers both struggle with and feel most pride in. They are the children many of us are determined not to give up on. Once a teacher told my son; “You’ll either be the leader of the free world one day or be in prison for life.” Taken out of context this might seem a horrid thing to say. In context, it reminded my son how gifted he really was, and how certain gifts can be used different ways depending on different circumstance…
Orchids need what dandelions need, but are harder to understand and provide care for. Orchids require digging deep into the depths of our thinking, for they aren’t as easy as dandelions and they will torture and test even the most adept parents and teachers throughout our journey… but, when they bloom, they bloom in a big way. Orchids bloom beyond our wildest dreams.
If you’d like to read more about this frame of thinking, I suggest this article.
RSS Feed